Simon Tan
Musings of a curious developer ت
Decisions, decisions, decisions...
How I am going to try handle indecisions moving forward.

Ah man, I did it again… It is the time of the year again (and I have this multiple times a year 😢) where I start having doubts about how I want to progress in life. I shared some reasons earlier why I chose to learn data science but recently, I saw a friend share a few tweets about game development and this urge, this feeling that I have been suppressing for the longest time keeps resurfacing, coming back stronger than ever; the emotion of passion.

I always had this goal of retiring early so I can make games without having to worry about money. Gaming was a big part of my life growing up and I would not be who I am were it not for games. I want to eventually get my hands dirty making some awesome games to positively impact the lives of others as well. My initial plans were start learning about game development next year when I have more programming knowledge and a proper desktop that I can stream on as I code but I would not be writing this if I actually followed that plan haha 😅.

Every time I chance upon someone talking about game development, I feel extremely envious towards them and sad for myself because they are doing something that I want to do. Unlike them, I am actively refraining myself from doing so because I reasoned with myself that logically, it is not the right time but as time passes, I find this harder and harder to do. You would assume that one grows wiser as they age; making logical, informed & sound decisions and honestly, I do not know if this is the right decision but then again, must every decision either be right or wrong?

I grew up in a very competitive society where high achievers are in abundance. These folks make very calculated and synergistic moves with compounding effects on their careers. Money, sports cars, big house etc., who does not like these? I am also a firm believer that money can buy time and happiness but sometimes I feel that we might lose touch with our human side if we keep suppressing these “undesirable” emotions. We are after all beings of emotion.

I believe that life is more about the journey than what happens after end, taking detours simply because, because at the end of the day, we (at least some of us) will all be 6 feet under. Looking it from that perspective, perhaps I am indeed growing wiser. I am smiling as I type this out because I feel liberated from the restraints that I placed on myself and I can finally do what I have always wanted to do. Of course, I still need to be reasonable about it. I am taking this detour to satisfy this craving of mine, to see if I actually enjoy game development, and if it does not work out, you will find me on one of the many tracks of life wherever that may take me!

Thanks for reading! I will share an update on this in a few weeks.

Last modified on 18 July 2020